Saturday, December 15, 2012

Bucket List

Today at about mile 6 I thought about just going home. I was tired and pretty much everything from the waist down hurt. Like really hurt. Oddly enough I wasnt winded at all. I felt fine as far as my breathing, but my hips hurt and the bottom of my feet hurt. But, my goal was to run 8.5 miles and when I set a goal I complete it. Mind over matter right?

Sometimes I forget WHY I am running. Its not that I dont enjoy it. I really do actually. I love my long runs. I even look forward to them. I know, its weird. But I like those long runs a lot better than the short ones. They give me a sense of accomplishment. When I complete them, despite my time, I feel like a freaking rockstar! Today despite the running hurting, once I hit 7.5 miles I was oh yeah I got this. Then I hit a stoplight and had to STOP!! Oh dear me, starting back up HURT! But I managed to get in to a little bit of a groove and once I hit 8 miles I am pretty sure I yelled HELL YEAH! At 8.5 miles I stopped with a huge smile on my face. Goal was accomplished!!

While running I try to think of things. Totally random things usually. But today, at mile 6 some very important people entered my mind. And I began to tear up. I thought of dear Bekah who lost her battle with Ovarian cancer this week, at a young 14 years old she went to be with Jesus.

I thought of my high school friend, Sarah, who is battling a rare form of cancer called DSRCT. Sadly she received news this week that she was out of options.

I thought of fellow Melanoma warrior, Jackie, who was sent home with hospice last night after finding out that her liver isnt healthy enough for chemo.

I thought of fellow melanoma warrior, Jennifer, who has been in so much pain for the last, umm, for.ev.er, that she can barely walk.

And I thought of my children. 4.5 years ago I did not think I would be around to watch K go off to Kindergarten. Now I know, without a doubt, Ill be able to watch E go off to Kindergarten (which will darn near KILL me!) My kids know that running and exercise is very important to my husband and I. And they dont look at it as abnormal. Its just something we do. Its just a part of our daily life. My kids know that I have cancer. They know that I take medicine to keep the cancer far far away. The fact of the matter is, cancer may very well win someday. But I want my kids to look back and see a strong mama. A mama who fought with all her heart and soul. A mama who didnt give up no matter what was thrown at her. I pray thats what they will remember. I know its what they see right now, I just hope its what they remember.

About 6 months ago I made a bucket list. Mainly in my head, not on paper or anything. One of goals was to run a half marathon before I turn 35. If everything goes like I want it to, I will run at least 3 before I turn 35:) Another one is to do an obstacle type of race. I did the zombie run in Oct. I am also doing the Hard Charge in April 2013. So 2 items crossed off the list! I have other goals, which have no time frame, just to do items.
1. Half marathon before 35 (preferably at least one at 2 hours or less)
2. Obstacle run before 35
3. Go to Hawaii
4. Disney World with the family
5. Drive a race car (very slowly!)
6. Give the proceeds from our Christmas Jar to a deserving family.
7. Helicopter ride
8. Renew vows
9. Run a (short) race with my father
10. Teach K & E to ride a bike
And the list goes on....

Whats on your bucket list??

1 comment:

  1. I just read your whole blog in two days. My mother had stage 3 melanoma. Lucky for us they got it all with surgery and is 11 years cancer free. Two weeks ago I went to the derm to look at mole which was fine but he found one that worried him. Got a call Friday saying it has been sent off for a second opinion. I'm 28 year old mother of 4. I have no idea what the tests say but after reading your blog I know that no matter what they say I will take a page out of your book and live every day to the very fullest and fight like hell if it comes back malignant!! God Bless you and your family!!!

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