Recently i was asked if I would of listened to me if I was a teenager. Well, I would like to say of course! But, truth be told I simply dont know.
I tanned because I was obsessed with being tan. Look back at pictures of me in High school. I was obsessed with being tan. Being tan made me feel thinner and feel better about myself. I liked that feeling.
If I would of known then what I know now, knowing that I would in fact get Melanoma and fight for my life, then yes, of course I would of listened to myself. However, given a shot, say 50/50 of getting melanoma or not getting it, I dont know. I do know that melanoma sucks. I know that melanoma is awful. Simply awful. I know that melanoma is life threatening and with Stage IV your chance of surviving past 5 years is slim. Very few do. Now granted, I WILL be one of them, because thats just how I roll:) But, unforunately many wont.
I also know that I cant change the past. When I was first diagnosed I really dwelled on the fact that all those times I tanned I was actually causing my cancer. When i was first diagnosed I didnt understand it. I had no idea that the tanning beds and the sun had caused my cancer. It was only after I had some time to digest what was going on that I realized all that time in the tanning bed was now trying to kill me. Being tan and feeling better about myself is what is killing me now.
Clearly its not worth it. And I know that my friends that love me with all their heart and soul wouldnt even consider stepping in to a tanning bed. They have seen what I have gone thru. They have heard me vent. They have seen me suffer. They have felt my pain.
So looking back, I would like to say that yes, my past self would most definitely listen to my future self. Being tan is not worth it. My life is worth more.
Sjogren's and Bicycles
3 days ago