Friday, August 26, 2011

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Next week I head to Nashville. This time I am actually flying out of our local airport rather than driving a total of 6.5 hours to KC where the flights are cheaper. From the beginning I said if flying out of KC doesnt save me at least $100, then I'm not doing it! This time it didnt, which I have mixed feelings about. Saving money is good. Driving 6 hours sucks though!

I have been way more anxious about this Dr's visit. Honestly I dont stress out anymore about CT scans. I know this medicine was MADE for me. I knew that at the beginning of this trial. When things kept falling in to place, I just felt it in my gut that this was going to work. And u know how I am about the whole "follow your gut" thing:)

However, last Friday I discovered a lump in the lymph node behind my ear. MAJOR PANIC MODE!! However, I called my derm and the squeezed me in (he loves me:) and he really felt that it was just sinus drainage. And honestly, he's never been wrong when it comes to me. But, as the week went on and the lump didnt go away I got more nervous, so I made an appt with my family physican. Now, I dont put as much stock in him, but he gets me in right away, he's close, and he gives me meds, so I went. He also felt like it was a sinus issue so he put me on an antibiotic. So far, the lump hasnt shrunk much, but I have lots of fluid draining out of my ears. Its fabulous! Right now I am just praying that it really is a sinus issue.

Right now I am covered in my fabulous lympoma lumps, which would certainly indicate that my immune system is working in overdrive. Or isnt working. It will be interesting to see what my white count is.

So, not only am I dealing with the stress of, well cancer, I am also stressing out about my little man. He is doing fabulous at school. I truly could not be happier. He has been blessed with an amazing teacher who I feel truly loves and cares about him (and probably all the other students!). But, next week since I will be in Nashville Grandpa will have to take him to school and pick him up. I dont WANT to miss out on pick ups:( I want to see him as soon as he gets out of school. I love to see his face when he walks out of the building. So, that has been rather difficult on me. I also have lots of anxiety about how he will do while I am gone. His teacher knows that I will be gone so she is prepared for that. I also let the secretary and his speech path know. Hopefully that means that his speech path will be a little more considerate when it comes to how hard she is pushing him. We shall see.

I just hate that I have to leave right now. I know Geebers will do fine. She's pretty adaptable. K-man? Ummm, not so much. But, such is life.

It could always be worse. Right now I am grateful for people that love us and are willing to change plans to help out our family. I am grateful for a wonderful teacher who gets that Kman may be a little emotional next week. And I am grateful for wonderful cancer drugs who have given me so much!

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Today was the day! I sent my little man off to the big ole Grade School building. Honestly the morning was a bit of a blur. Geebers has to be dropped off by 8 and K Man has to be dropped off by 805. It is physically impossible (unless I orbe!) to get from one school to the otherr in 5 minutes. But, a friend gave me some different route ideas so I am going to give those a shot tomorrow!

Honestly, both kids have done great with dropping off. They are so excited to be at school that they barely notice when I leave. Sigh.... But, I am happy for them. Possibly a bit sad for me, but whatev!

I do believe the absolute best part of my day is when I pick them up. I get the BIGGEST smiles and the BIGGEST hugs of all time!! Its like I've been gone forever! Its fabulous! Geebers cant wait to tell me what she did and how she helped the little girl with the "broken leg" (she has a girl in the class with leg braces, and if you know Geebers, I can guarantee you she is the first one to help the little girl with EVERYTHING!) That's just who she is. She has one of the kindest little hearts. Man, I love her!

Today was K-mans first day so I couldnt get to much out of him. But I had to go inside the building (you are supposed to wait outside for them) to talk to another teacher and when I slipped out of the room and his class was coming down the hall. He happened to see me and he was sooooo excited that he ran down the hall and LEAPED in to my arms. I looked at the teacher to tell her sorry, but I could tell she understood. And there was no way I putting that little guy down!! I needed his hug just as bad as he needed mine!!

Even though today was rough and I missed my babies terribly, it is truly a great feeling to be able to witness this. Two years ago none of us thought this day would happen. During biochemo none of us thought I would pull through. My mom just confessed this weekend that they truly thought they were going to lose me during biochemo. This chemo has brought me back. It has saved my life. Noone knows how long this medicine will continue to work. But, I am truly thankful for

And I am especially thankful for this week. Because I got to see my 3 year old Princess attend preschool for the very first time and I got to see my super hero loving little big man attend Kindergarten for the first time. In a few years, I will forget about the rushing around and the waking up early. I will forever remember walking both my children in to their classrooms for the very first time. And I will always remember the hugs and kisses that I got when I picked them up.

That is what I will savor.

That is what I will remember.

The dropping off and the picking up.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Growing Up So Fast!

Today my beautiful 3 year old Princess started Preschool. She is one of the role model students at one of the Elementary schools in our town. She will attend preschool in the mornings Tuesday thru Friday. I know it is a fabulous program and I know she will be great, but I'll be honest, I teared up all morning long! She is growing up so fast! She is such an amazing little person. I truly feel blessed to be her mommy.

As you know, I was diagnosed the day she turned 6 months old. At that time I truly thought I wouldnt get to see my baby girl go to school. I remember crying and crying every time I took a shower because I truly thought I would be gone by now.

My little big man starts Kindergarten tomorrow. Its a big day. He is so ready. I, however, have teared up every time I think about him being away from me all day long. The last two nights we have The Kissing Hand and every time I have cried. Geez! I cant do that! When I cry my kids get scared. We've been thru so much that to them tears mean bad news. Therefore, I rarely cry in front of them. I save that for the shower!

I still remember the day I was diagnosed. I still remember the day I met with my oncologist. I remember him telling me I need to get my things in order because my life expectancy is about 6 months-1 year. Clearly he didnt know me! Because 6 months didnt exactly fit in to my schedule! But, as a new "diagnosee" I listened to my Dr. I truly thought my time was going to be that short. I was so scared I wouldnt get to see K go to school. I was so scared I would never get to see my Princess grow up. But, you know what, I am getting to see those things! I am getting to be a mom! Yes, I have bad days, who doesn't? But, I dont take any of my days with my kids for granted. I love being with them. I love loving them. I love holding them. I love being their mommy!

So, wish me luck tomorrow as I send my baby boy off to his first day of Kindergarten and my baby girl off to her second day of Preschool.