Sunday, April 10, 2011

I'm A Little Bit Stronger...

Have you ever heard that country song that says something about getting stronger everyday. I dont know who sings it and I know it's actually about a relationship and how even though he left her she continues to get stronger every day. Obviously, I dont have that situation to deal with, but I do feel like I get stronger every day.

Every day my determinaton to beat this awful disease is tested.

Every day I wish I could just be "normal". I wish I could live like my friends. They dont travel every month to cancer appts. They dont have to pay for the travel expenses and the medical bills that we do. They dont have to worry about frying so bad out in the sun that they blister-even when using sunscren. They dont have to worry every day about their cancer returning.

They are free to live their lives how they want to live. To an extent, I can, but my cancer has also really limited me in other senses. And that sucks. Every single day I worry that this may be the day my cancer returns. I know, that in theory I cant live my life like that. But, it doesnt matter. I still worry.

I am so scared that I wont get to see my kids grow up. That has to be my number one concern or fear. That my children will grow up without me. Have you MET my children? They are totally mama's babies. No doubt about it. They adore their mama and I adore them right back. I have a special bond with them. We are about as close as a mama can be with her children. And that scares me. If this cancer eventually wins how will THEY handle it? I know they will have to deal with it, but I dont want them to HAVE to deal with it. I want this cancer to just go away. I want it to leave me and my family alone.

For now, it is and for that I am grateful. I truly believe God knows how much I need my children and how much they need ME. He knows that this medicine needs to continue to work.

April 20th is my 1 year anniversary of being on this medicine. I have been on it for one year with NO RECURRANCE!!!  That, my bloggy friends, is truly a miracle. God knows. He just does. Keep praying. It's working.


  1. I was just thinking about you as I was thinking about my dad and how we will now kind of have to live month to month as he returns to get scans. Tuesday is a big day to see if this drug is actually working but then it's next month and then the month after that and so on. So I feel for you because I can only imagine how you, being the actual patient, must feel.

    I get this way about Bennett and believe me, I'm not trying to compare your situation to mine because I know it's totally different. Yours is life and death and mine is just a path I never thought we'd be down but I do get that way about thinking how my friends have it so easy with their kids sometimes. I actually don't wish to get rid of the Down syndrome because that would change the person he is and the person I've become but I just wish it wasn't so hard sometimes.

    You are stronger because of this and you have been blessed this past year with no recurrence. But I think God blesses us even when things seem to be going terribly wrong, we just have to look harder for those blessings, but they're there.

  2. Dear Heather, You know I would agree with what Adrienne has shared regarding being stronger because of the difficult times we all go through in our lives. And that our precious LORD does bless us even in those difficult times. She is also right that we do have to look harder to see those blessings, YET they are there! I am continuing to lift you in prayer and all of your family as you continue to journey through each day of your life. God is good all the time! He never changes! Love, YOU ALL!

  3. I pray for you every day, Heather. Yes, your children need you and you need them so we'll just keep praying!

  4. You're friends are right. God has a plan for your life even through the storms and He will continue to bless you even through the storm. Keep in mind that if God brings you to it, He will see you through it. He won't leave your side even for a minute. He feels your pain and He knows your heart. I'll continue to pray for you and your family. You are truely blessed with a great family and wonderful friends who will stand by you through it all! God can work miracles and I'll be praying for one for you! Hugs!

  5. Truly happy and so encouraged to hear the meds are working.... we will continue to pray for you!!!!

  6. You'll always be one of my heroes and your kids are blessed to have you as their momma!!! Still praying for you XOXOXO

  7. Thank you for sharing. So many of us take life for granted. We need to pray for you all the time, count our blessings, and all wear our sunscreen everyday! Love and Blessings!!!