Dear K-Dog and Ella Geeber Beebers,
I hope you both know how much I absolutely hate being away from you two. You both are my life. I love you with every ounce of my being. I always knew that I was going to be a mommy. I was born to be a mommy. In fact, in third grade we had to tell what we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of the boys wrote policeman or firefighter. Most of the girls wrote doctor or teacher. But, not your mom, nope, I wrote "house wife." See, I knew I was meant to be wife and a mom.
When I found out that I was pregnant with both of you I was beyond overjoyed. Absolutely and completely ecstatic. You both are true blessings. I did everything by the book when you were in my tummy. I did everything in my power to make sure you were perfect.
Oddly enough, that is out of my hands now. I feel like I am not able to do anything for you. I am never home to raise you. I am constantly traveling to see new and different doctors. And I hate it. I miss you both more than you can even imagine. I know that you don't understand what is going on and I am actually very grateful for that. However, fighting cancer is going to be a life long thing for me. It's certainly worth fighting for. I know that. Hopefully, as you get older you will understand that mommy does this so that I can be around to be with you. You both are reason enough to fight. To survive. To live.
I feel like so many parents take being a parent for granted. They take the fact that they will always be there, to be a parent, for granted. I am not one of those. Not anymore anyway. I am so grateful for this blog. One day you will be able to look back at your blog book and see all of the wonderful things that we have done as a family. I still have the dream of taking you to Disneyworld. It will happen. I promise. Just not yet.
I love you K and L, more than anything in the world. YOU are my inspiration. YOU are my world. I can't wait to see you. And hug you and kiss you. I may never stop.:)
1 week ago