Monday, June 15, 2009

How I REALLY Feel

Sometimes I get so angry at cancer. I get so angry that I have to go through this. I'm angry that my family has to go through this. No 3 year old or 1 year old should have to do this. I am angry that I can't do all the activities with Kyler and Ella that I want to be able to do. They deserve to have a childhood. But, they also deserve to have a mommy that is around for a long, long time.




I currently have 3 more rounds of chemo left. I am angry that I'm not done yet. I'm angry that we don't know if this is working like it needs to work. I am angry that chemo makes me feel so awful. I am angry that I have to be gone for a whole week. I am angry that when I finally get home I feel to awful to play with my kids.



But, for all the things I am angry for, there are several that I am grateful for. I am grateful that cancer has opened my eyes to the little things in life. I am grateful that I have raised awareness in others. I am grateful that it has brought Cody and I closer. And I am grateful that I am the one going through this and not my children.



Everyone tells me that it's ok to be angry, because it makes me fight harder. Believe me, I am fighting as hard as I can. I have no intentions of letting cancer win. Keep cheering, keep reading, and keep praying.

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