Saturday, June 20, 2009


Tomorrow we leave for Houston.

Thursday will be a very busy day. We have a PET scan scheduled at 6am, then on to labs, MRI, chest x ray and appt with the Dr.

I am anxious to see how much the tumors have shrank since the last PET scan. I am also curious to know what he will want to do if they have not shrank. Obviously, best case scenario is that two of the tumors are gone and the one that I can feel is shrinking. Please pray that we are making progress.

Chemo is the absolute worst thing in the world. At least that is how I feel about it. Never, in my short little life, have I felt as awful as I do on chemo. I never knew it was possible to feel that awful. I feel very lucky that I am young and my body can handle it. I pray for the elderly and the children that I see while I am at MD Anderson. My heart breaks for them. I can't imagine doing this when I am 70, nor can I imagine my children having to go through this. That thought hurts to even think about.

This past week has been a pretty good week. We were able to head out of town to my BFF's for a bbq, then to my parents house the next day for a wonderful family get together. I feel so very lucky to have a BFF that would drop anything and everything to rush down here to help me. She has truly been a life saver. I am also blessed to have great family members that rearrange their schedules and make every effort to see us when we are in town. Aren't we lucky!?

Here are some pictures from our past week. Huge thank yous to my babies for such a wonderful week, however, if you are by chance reading this my little lovelies, feel free to stop the fighting!!! It is driving your poor mama insane!!

Monday, June 15, 2009


Sometimes I get so angry at cancer. I get so angry that I have to go through this. I'm angry that my family has to go through this. No 3 year old or 1 year old should have to do this. I am angry that I can't do all the activities with Kyler and Ella that I want to be able to do. They deserve to have a childhood. But, they also deserve to have a mommy that is around for a long, long time.

I currently have 3 more rounds of chemo left. I am angry that I'm not done yet. I'm angry that we don't know if this is working like it needs to work. I am angry that chemo makes me feel so awful. I am angry that I have to be gone for a whole week. I am angry that when I finally get home I feel to awful to play with my kids.

But, for all the things I am angry for, there are several that I am grateful for. I am grateful that cancer has opened my eyes to the little things in life. I am grateful that I have raised awareness in others. I am grateful that it has brought Cody and I closer. And I am grateful that I am the one going through this and not my children.

Everyone tells me that it's ok to be angry, because it makes me fight harder. Believe me, I am fighting as hard as I can. I have no intentions of letting cancer win. Keep cheering, keep reading, and keep praying.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Low, Low, and Lower

Every Tuesday and Friday I have the distinct pleasure of heading to the Dr's office to have blood drawn. Since I have the PICC line it's really not that bad. Kyler comes with me and he gets a sticker and then we head to McDonald's for some breakfast.

The scary part of all of it is getting the results. I, of course, hope and pray that my white blood cells, red blood cells, hemoglobin, platelets, etc are going up, but unfortunately that is not always the case. As was today.

Tuesday my hemoglobin was 8.46, under an eight I have to have a blood transfusion. Today my count was 8.01. My argument was it's still not under an 8. However, since it's so close I lost. So, here I sit, waiting to have someone else's blood put into my body. The thought sort of freaks me out. It's not supposed to be painful, and supposedly I will feel better afterwards. But seriously, someone else's blood? But, what can I do? Nothing. Like always, I can do nothing. Most of you know, I am a control freak. Having no control over pretty much everything in my life totally sucks. Once I kick cancer's ass, look out, because I am going to control the world! I think I deserve it, right?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

My Happenings

My happenings really don't include very much. I am really tired and find it difficult to get out of bed. Cody has really been a single parent these last few days. I am seriously so very, very lucky to have such a wonderful husband. He has been beyond fabulous this last year. Not only has he taken great care of the kids, but he has cooked, folded laundry, and above all, been my rock for the past year. I honestly don't think many men could do what he has done this past year. So, for him, I am grateful. Thank you dear for being you.

Now, I am curious, how does your hubby show you how much he loves you and your family? I hope you are all as lucky as I am.