Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Report

Yesterday was a VERY long day. A long day of waiting, waiting, and more waiting. However, the scans were done (the MRI against my will, I might add!) And we were anxious to hear the results.

We met with the Dr today and I "think" it was good news. The Dr was very odd today and he was very difficult to read. Usually they will compare the before chemo PET scan to the after chemo PET scan. Since we had the previous PET scan done in KS it is very hard to compare them. I started with 4 masses in my body. One of the masses has completely disappeared, the other 3 are still there. I know that the one I can feel is getting smaller, but it was very hard to compare the two scans. So at this point we continue what we are doing and will repeat the PET scan after two more rounds.

Personally, I felt this was good news. One mass is completely gone. That tells me this is working. Right? However, the Dr wasn't very positive today and that was very frustrating to me. Right now I need positive. Not overly and unrealistically positive mind you, but positive none the less.

Tonight I am going to have Cody feel the mass before I start chemo and then feel it once the chemo is complete. This way someone else will know if it is shrinking or not. He is thoroughly excited about this. No, really, he is. Because of where the tumors are, he is really excited! Apparently, Melanoma is attracted to fat. I don't have much any more. I am pretty skinny. Since I don't have much fat, you can only imagine what fat the melanoma has found. God has a very funny since of humor I have decided. Ha, ha, ha God. Joke is over. Fix this please!

On the homefront, the kids are doing well. I'm pretty sure Ella is to young to really notice how long we are gone. Kyler, on the other hand, knows and it is really hard on him. In order to ease my guilt I buy them LOTS of presents while we are gone. It makes me feel better and it makes them happier. The only one not thrilled is Cody. However, at this point I am pretty sure he will do what ever he has to do to keep me happy. That's the way it should be right?

Thank you all for your prayers and comments (on here and on Facebook). I am trying really hard to remain positive. I can do this. I can beat this.

Monday, May 25, 2009

My Last Day

Today is my last day this month with my kids and my heart is heavy. I am going to miss them so, so much. Yesterday, I broke the news to Kyler that we would have to leave for Houston and he told me that he was going to get in the car, buckle up, and drive down to Houston to be with me. Break my heart why don't ya!

This week has been wonderful. I have felt good, had some energy, and thoroughly enjoyed my time with the kids. We've played outside, we've gone on wagon rides, we had a playdate with friends, we've grilled out, we've had a picnic, and we've played in the sprinkler. Good times I tell ya!

After this round of chemo I will be halfway done. That's pretty exciting! I know that the cancer is shrinking. I can feel one tumor and it started out the size of a cherry tomato and it is now the size of a large pea. That is encouraging. I am thrilled that the cancer is going away. It's just one hell of a price to pay to be cancer free. And that sucks. But, what other options do I have? None. I plan on being here with my babies for a long, long time.

I appreciate all of your prayers and love. Please remember to mark your calendar for June 2nd. It's the official day that I am halfway done with chemo:) What a fabulous day that will be!

Monday, May 18, 2009


*I have been feeling really good lately. We were able to attend my cousin's graduation party this weekend and I haven't had a nap since Friday!

*My sister, her husband, and their little man, Deegan, came down last week to help. Thank you all so much. Not only were you a huge help, but you helped me realize why two babies is definitely enough for me:)

*We leave for MD Anderson next Monday. I have a PET scan scheduled for Tuesday and hospital admittance scheduled for Wednesday. Please pray that the masses are shrinking and no new masses have shown up.

*As of June 2nd I will be halfway through my chemo treatments. Woo Hoo. I should be done in August. Can you say party time!?

*As a present to myself for kicking cancer's ass I am planning on buying myself something nice (once it is all over that is). I am still deciding between new furniture for upstairs or a new deck out back. The deck will probably win since our furniture is pretty new.

*I still have hair. Luckily, I have not had to put the wigs to use. Please keep praying that I won't lose it all. I sort of like having hair.

*Our church has been bringing us dinner every Monday night. We are very grateful to them. The dinners have helped so much.

*We had to switch Ella to a big girl bed this week:( She was able to crawl out of her crib, open her bedroom door, and join us in the living room when she was supposed to be napping! Silly little monkey!

*Because of that stupid blood clot that I was lucky enough to get, I now have to give myself Lovanox shots for the next 6 months. I am not happy about this. They are expensive and they burn like hell. Cancer and blood clots suck ass.

*I received flowers today. No, not from my hubbie, from my cousin, Debbie and her family. Her card read that I looked fabulous when she saw me this weekend. Someone battling cancer just can't hear that enough! Thank you guys so much.

*Sorry this post sucks. I don't have a ton to say. I am really just enjoying the kids this week and trying to stay positive. I know that I can beat this. I know that I have to beat this.

*Cancer has given me a new perspective on life. So, for that, I am grateful. Enjoy every second, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You never know when your life will be turned upside down. Don't sweat the small things, just be grateful to be here.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I'm Awake and I'm Sad

So it is 3:15 in the morning and I am wide ass awake.

And I am sad.

We arrive home tomorrow and I may not get to see my babies.

They are both sick. This happened the last time also. I am not very happy. I really wanted to be able to spend some of my Mother's Day with my children but it is looking like they will either have to go to my parents house until they are well or we will have to get a hotel room.

Either way, it sucks and I am pissed. This is totally something that could have been avoided. With good handwashing and use of "rub a rub" (hand sanitizer) this would not have happened.

But, it did, and there is nothing I can do about it now. I am hoping they will both be over it by tomorrow. Ella has had really bad diarrhea and Kyler is currently running a temperature. They both just want their mommy so bad and I want them just as much (if not more)!!

Everyone tells you that you will love your children, but noone warns you just how very much you will love them. Sometimes it's scary the love I feel for them.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Wrapped Up In My Babies

Before we left Grandma and Grandpa Snyder came over to pick up the kiddos. They are keeping them the first part of the week and my folks will take over towards the end of the week.

Grandma walked in carrying a big bag. I didn't think to much of it. Then she told me to look in it. There were a few little things and then I pulled out the quilt. Grandma worked her butt off to make me a quilt with the kids pictures on it for me to take with me when I go to cancer treatments. I was so overwhelmed and happy I cried.

I absolutely love the quilt. It has been on my lap the whole time I have been here and I am constantly looking at the pictures. Sometimes I smile and sometimes I cry. Either way it is so nice to have the kids with me while I am here. They are my strength. Thank you so, so, so much Grandma Snyder. I adore the quilt.