Sunday, April 26, 2009

Holy Smokes

...I feel awesome!! Seriously, I haven't felt this good in weeks. This feels so great. I have been up since 6am. I have disinfected both upstairs bathrooms and cleaned up the basement (which takes several hours, believe me!)




Today the plan is to hang out at home in the morning. No church today, I can't be around all the germies. But, we will probably watch something churchy on TV to ease my guilt, then Aunt A is coming to see us. She is going to take us to Hunter's for his birthday party then back home for play time. Aunt A is going to stay the night with us so that I have some help tomorrow. It is hard to plan when I don't really know how I am going to feel day to day. But, believe me, I appreciate all the help.



We will leave next Sunday for MD Anderson where I will start the chemo process all over again. I have mixed emotions.



I am ready to go because I seriously want this cancer out of my body. The pure thought of it being in there pisses me off.



On the other hand, I don't want to go. I don't want to leave my kids and I don't want to feel like crap all over again. However, do I have a choice? No. Not at all. So, I do what I have been doing since last August. I suck it up and just do it. Cancer has taken a lot of things from me, but it will never, ever take my will to be alive. I have to much to live for. I thank Kyler and Ella for that lesson every.single.day. Every time I look at them I realize how very blessed I am.

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