Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Results

The Dermatologist just called with the results and they are not good.




All three spots that he removed came back as Melanoma cancer. It's what he figured so I was sort of expecting it, but it was still a hard thing to hear.



I have an appt with my oncologist set for Thursday to see what path we take now. I also have an evaluation set up for next week at The Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I also have a call in to MD Anderson in Houston, Texas for an evaluation. As you can see, lots of different Dr appts, but lots of expertise. Hopefully someone will be able to tell us where to go from here.



Needless to say, I am pretty pissed. I'm pissed that I have gone through the last 8 months for nothing. I am pissed that it came back while I am in treatment. I am pissed that I won't actually be done in August. I am pissed that most people have success while on Interferon. And, well, I'm just pissed.



As for what to pray for now, pray that we caught it before it spread to any organs. I'll be honest, once Melanoma spreads to the organs I'm screwed. I'm pretty aware of my body on the outside, however, what goes on on the inside is any one's guess.



I think right now I am in a bit of denial. I am going through a lot of different emotions right now. I expected this. I knew last week that it was going to come back as cancer. My dermatologist is one of the best. This result was expected. It's still a hard thing to grasp though. I don't want cancer to win this fight. I have two beautiful babies that still need me. Kyler is the biggest mama's boy there is. What would he do if he didn't have me? The thought hurts to much to even think about.

The Results

The Dermatologist just called with the results and they are not good.




All three spots that he removed came back as Melanoma cancer. It's what he figured so I was sort of expecting it, but it was still a hard thing to hear.



I have an appt with my oncologist set for Thursday to see what path we take now. I also have an evaluation set up for next week at The Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I also have a call in to MD Anderson in Houston, Texas for an evaluation. As you can see, lots of different Dr appts, but lots of expertise. Hopefully someone will be able to tell us where to go from here.



Needless to say, I am pretty pissed. I'm pissed that I have gone through the last 8 months for nothing. I am pissed that it came back while I am in treatment. I am pissed that I won't actually be done in August. I am pissed that most people have success while on Interferon. And, well, I'm just pissed.



As for what to pray for now, pray that we caught it before it spread to any organs. I'll be honest, once Melanoma spreads to the organs I'm screwed. I'm pretty aware of my body on the outside, however, what goes on on the inside is any one's guess.



I think right now I am in a bit of denial. I am going through a lot of different emotions right now. I expected this. I knew last week that it was going to come back as cancer. My dermatologist is one of the best. This result was expected. It's still a hard thing to grasp though. I don't want cancer to win this fight. I have two beautiful babies that still need me. Kyler is the biggest mama's boy there is. What would he do if he didn't have me? The thought hurts to much to even think about.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Rough Draft

Today I had the surgery to remove the spots.




The Dr felt that they were probably Melanoma. When he removed the spots they were black underneath. Not good.



He sent them off to the pathologist and we should have the official results next Tuesday or Wednesday.



I already have an appt with my oncologist scheduled for next Thursday. Obviously, my treatment plan will have to change.



I'm pretty pissed right now. But I won't go into that. For now, I am going to go enjoy every precious second with my beautiful family.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Freakin' Out

A couple months ago I found a spot on my back. I didn't think to much about it. It looked like a bug bite. It itched like a bug bite. No big deal. I showed it to my oncologist at my last appt. and he felt it was a Sebaceous cyst and not a huge deal. I already had an appt with my dermatologist scheduled.




Then a week ago Sunday a different spot showed up. This one below my right shoulder and more of a lump. About the size of a pea (it has now doubled in size). Pissed me off, but I wasn't to worried. Then another lump showed up that night. This one on my chest. Now I'm just getting really pissed. What is causing this? Why are they multiplying? What the hell is going on? I had an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot. It did. So now we know they are either cysts or lymph nodes.



I went to the dermatologist today. He looked at the spots and said he wanted those off right away. He is actually coming in tomorrow after office hours to remove all three of the spots.



At first I wasn't all that worried, I don't really want more scars, but it's minor in comparsion. However, after thinking about it. What if these lumps are swollen lymph nodes? Swollen lymph nodes could mean more cancer. Needless to say, I am TOTALLY FREAKING OUT over here people.



My request to you guys, please pray. Pray that these lumps come back as something silly. That I am freaking out for no good reason. Pray people, pray hard. Thank you.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Aches and Pains

Lately I have been really sore. My muscles just hurt, my whole body just hurts. Apparently, this is a side effect of the Interferon. I have also been increasingly tired. As in, I wake up around 8AM with the kids and I am ready to go back to bed at 10AM. This week has been better since Cody has been home (last week he was gone and 2 kids, while on chemo is rough, really rough), but I'm still tired.




I have been trying to get out with the kids and do things, but it's hard when you are utterly exhausted and your body aches so bad you can barely carry your one year old. Try explaining that to a little one. Sorry honey, mommy can't hold you because her whole body aches! Carrying my children around is quite honestly, one of my favorite things to do. It means I get to be close to them and it's like getting free hugs. However, my body has been hurting so bad that holding either of them is difficult. That sucks.



So, I do have a prayer request. Please pray that the aches and pains go away and that the fatigue gets better. My kiddos deserve to have a mommy that can play with them and carry them everywhere they want to go:)