Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Please Come Help Me

Yesterday I started the shots.

I was tired, but hey, I'm used to that. I'm a mom on chemo! I can handle the tired.

It's the nausea that I can't stand!

Yesterday I was nauseous on and off. It would come and go.

Today however I am EXTREMELY nauseous.

I have some Reglan which seems to work well on the nausea, however it totally knocks me out. I am home, by myself, with the kids. Can't really be knocked out.

I have some samples of a drug called Anzemet. I have never taken it so I am a little nervous about taking it when I am home, alone, with the kids.

I think, for now, I am going to deal with the nausea and just wait for Cody to call and tell me he is almost home. Then I will take the Anzemet and see how I do.

I thought life would be better on the shots.

Life, so far, is not better. Nausea and fatigue are no way to live.

I can't do this for the next 11 months. There is no way.

I will miss out on everything.

This makes me angry.

I am scared that Kyler and Ella will some day remember that I missed out on everything.

I am scared that Kyler is not going to be a mama's boy any more.

I am scared that Ella is not going to be a mama's girl any more.

I am scared that Kyler is never going to be potty trained!

I am scared that Kyler will go to preschool and not know what all the other kids know.

I am scared that Ella is never, EVER going to sleep through the night!

Ok, so some of those had nothing to do with cancer or treatment, they are however, things that I have been freaking out about. Please feel free to tell me that everything with be ok.

Pretty please?

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